I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
