I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
