just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
