$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
