The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
