Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had sex bonerless
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
