I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
