Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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