It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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