successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
