Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
