____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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