I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
