I looked at my own cervix.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
