We're facebook friends in real life
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
