You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
