The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
