I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
