I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
