so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
