Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
