i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
