jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
