I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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