So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
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