this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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