So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
