super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
