it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
