We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My dick has a subreddit
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
