Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
