I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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