At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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