i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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