mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
