I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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