i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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