How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
