I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize