theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
