I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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