My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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