his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
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you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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