thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
