I don't usually arrange sex via text message
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
