I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
