he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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