How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize