you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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