imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They took my balls.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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