the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
