Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have already put on my inside pants.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
