You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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