she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
