I wish I could punch you in the face.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
