what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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