i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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