I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
