and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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