I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize