Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(560): View more from

I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich

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(973): View more from New Jersey

"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(203): View more from Connecticut

Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...

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(254): View more from Texas

Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.

(1-978): View more from Massachusetts

Did you sleep with him again?

(978): View more from Massachusetts

No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.

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