im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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