WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.