My Higher Power is John Stamos
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.