I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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