chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back