Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan