he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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