You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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