i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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