I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
