you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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