hotel room ftw
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
