I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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