i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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