Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
