So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
