imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
