you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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