Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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