oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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