My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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