Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
