You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
