I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Randomize
