She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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