I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
