I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
