I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
