Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
