Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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