my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
