I will die if light touches me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize